Black
by Belladonna Andromeda
Summary: SBRL. Sirius Black is nothing like his family. No, he's a different kind of evil...


Name – Black

Genre – Dark Romance

Warnings – Yaoi, violence, swearing, Dark!Sirius

I'm blacker than the beast…

Summary – Sirius is nothing like his family. No. He's a different kind of evil…

000

Sirius Black was not as ignorant as many people believed. Although he often pretended to be completely unaware of the horrors of the world, he knew exactly how uncaring and how unkind the people walking it's surface were. In fact, he was almost painfully aware of these facts. How could he not be with the family he had? They were among the worst kind. The true filth of the earth disguised by silk sheets and pretty ribbons. It was thanks to his family that he knew the world was cold and cruel, and it took more than a pure heart and kind smile to ensure survival or happiness. Because of them he realized that it is not the good who always win, but the strongest. Whether they be pure of heart or darker than the apocalypse, only those with a certain amount of power are among the last ones standing.

So, no, Sirius Black did not waste his time helping old ladies cross the street, he did not protect fellow students from bullying and he does not spend his money on charities. Because he firmly believed none of it made a difference. In the end, everyone paid a price. And those who least deserved it, often paid the most.

No, Sirius Black did not consider himself a hero or a saint. But he did not think himself wicked either. He's never tried to conquer the world for one, he's never killed another person or animal, he didn't intentionally hurt someone just because he could. He might not be a hero, but he wasn't part of the filth of earth either. Not because he just wasn't, but because he didn't want to be. He actually tried not to be. It was difficult at times. The rejection and mental abuse he suffered at home and the sometimes unfriendly comments from his classmates and fellow sixth years made it exceptionally hard to keep away from the darkness.

So if he had to choose than, yes, Sirius Black would fit more in the category 'evil' than 'pure of heart'. But since he didn't believe in either terms he wasn't worried about his behavior or personality. He believed in humanity; the fact that every person was born with a dark side and a good side. The two sides grow separately depending on the personality and life of a person. Sirius Black shall explain, taking himself and his younger brother as an example.

Sirius Black was born. The second he brought to the world certain characteristics are burned into his soul. These characteristics decide whether or not Sirius Black is confident enough to see his own worth - they made Sirius Black invulnerable to manipulation, they made him smart enough to make his own decisions. This ensured the fact that he had a certain degree of resistance to his family's mental abuse. Although they did manage to leave their marks, they failed in making actual scars. Sirius Black was too strong for them.

Regulus Black was born. As with his brother, characteristics were emblazoned into his being. Deciding whether Regulus Black could convince himself he was equal to every other person – they made Regulus Black weak against words, they made him follow another's instructions. This ensured the fact that he had no shields, no weapons or armor, against his family's cold treatments. Although he's become too blind, too numb to see it, they succeeded in scaring him beyond repair. Regulus Black was not strong enough.

Two people growing up in the exact same environment and yet one broke free while the other remained trapped. Because one was strong and the other was not.

Sirius Black knew it was cruel, but it was the way reality worked. It worked without mercy. It was so merciless that he preferred faking naivety over drowning in the harsh facts. But still, in the end he knew the truth. He knew it better than anyone realized. The very few of his age who knew this as well hid it just like he did. They opted for childish stupidity like he did, they pretended while they could.

And then… then Sirius Black met Remus Lupin.

Remus Lupin represented everything he was against. Although the boy agreed with him to a certain extent there was still a major opinion which clashed. You see, Remus Lupin believed kindness did make a difference. He believed that helping others who were not strong enough to stand on their own would make both parties stand firmer in their shoes. While Sirius Black refused to aid others, believing it was beyond a person's power to change someone's fate, Remus Lupin did everything he could to prove him wrong.

Sirius Black detested that part of Remus Lupin. So he did his best to try and convince him that what he did was wasted effort. He didn't know why it affected him so. He wasn't bothered at all by what James Potter or Peter Pettigrew did, even though the one he often called his best friend often stood up for those who needed it and deserved it. Maybe it was because a part him knew Remus Lupin had seen the coldest, darkest corners of the world and still insisted on helping others.

It was in his fifth year, on a cold December day, that Sirius Black discovered just how far he had gone to shake Remus Lupin out of his delusional state and the reason why. He was madly, utterly, undeniably in love with the boy. He had transformed himself into a monster, just like Remus Lupin did every month. Only, once Sirius Black transformed, he did not change back. He had made unnecessary victims just for the sake of trying to 'save' the one he loved from disappointment. He had become the person he had sworn he would never be. He had become the filth of the earth. He had even attempted to kill a person once. Sending Severus Snape to the Whomping Willow had not definitely not been the idea of someone 'pure of heart'. But Sirius Black pretended, when he saw the Slytherin boy walk the halls the next day, very much alive, that he was glad he didn't succeeded. Nonetheless, it had scared him.

Almost desperately Sirius Black had attempted to change back, but found himself unable to. Because whenever it came to one Remus Lupin, Sirius Black became slightly evil. A monster who'd stop at nothing to make sure that, in the end, he would be the only one Remus Lupin would go to. And when he realized that, he decided he didn't care. If becoming a beast of the underworld was going to ensure his life and relationship with Remus Lupin then so be it.

He'd do anything for him. He'd kill for him, he'd die for him, he'd save the world for him, he'd conquer the world for him. He had wasted twelve years in prison for him. It was rather ironic, in a way. Sirius Black had chosen the "light" side simply because Remus Lupin had. And in a weird, fucked-up way he hated himself for it. Because in the end, he realized he wasn't strong enough.

Sirius Black was nothing like his family. He was a different kind of evil, he would often tell himself. He was strong enough to escape the clutches of his parents, smart enough to know that hurting others would never benefit him, confident enough to tell himself he was allowed to walk the world like everyone else did – but he was too weak to resist the power of love. And as many knew, love had always been evil's greatest weapon.


End file.
